remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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