i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
last night I used snow as a chaser
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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