and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
