Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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