pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
