she smelled like a LAN party
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
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