Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
