How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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