So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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