He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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