I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
