so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
