In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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