We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
