Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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