I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
The air was thick with penises
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize