Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize