Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
