Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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