NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize