The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
foreskin is a definite game changer
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
