Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
