then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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