Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
