O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
operation have a gay friend backfired
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
