if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I didn't notice because vodka
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
