didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Four minutes until I can fart!
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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