If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
