We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
