Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
