My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
