The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
