There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
