Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Randomize
