Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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