my room smells like sperm. sweet.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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