We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
