a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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