the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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