i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
