I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
