I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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