I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
