im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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