you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
