Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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