there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
