So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize