I have demons in me.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
