in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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