My hand turned me down
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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