I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
My balls are so social today.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
