Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
