So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
