your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
It was confusing and full of hummus
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Randomize
