We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
