I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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