So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize