Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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