please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I need moral support for this bender
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
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