I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
