Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
