It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
