dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
