i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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