If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
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