I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
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