my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
