Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize