There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
