...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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