my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
