As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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