Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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