I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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