In the future we'll all be gay
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
