did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
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