Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
