just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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