so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
