Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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