haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
