wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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