why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
did you just send me my own nude
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
