That's intense
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
