Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
