Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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