and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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