That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
time to smoke my breakfast
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
