On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
