but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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