I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
