do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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